And the Award goes to… Facebook!

Hey everyone,

I am a frequent Facebook user (in fact, it’s the first thing I navigate to) as I feel it is a window to the social world which I so often neglect here in my mental world. I actually find it rather reassuring to peer through such tainted glass at a microcosm of dialogue of modern society. People talk such shit. Here are some real Facebook posts that represent the future stock of earth so clearly. I have arranged all the posts in order from least pathetic to most pathetic, if such a thing can be measured, and commented directly on why such things disgust me. I just sincerely hope that people aren’t taking the “what’s on your mind” text field seriously. Anyways, to start us off, a common one for a weekday:

“Is it the weekend yet?”

Posts regarding the temporal distance of the weekend are demeaning as a whole to the integrity of the human species. I won’t infringe on your right to relax, to “unwind”, but I sure as hell think it’s sad. If you don’t like what you do during the week then the solution is as simple as do something different! Perhaps you should have paid more attention in career education. Or perhaps it isn’t the repulsion of the weekdays that drives you, it’s the sheer flames of the weekend! Let me guess…. Drinking? I still haven’t ever got the correct answer from people on why they drink… I ask it ALL the time as well. I came across this nugget of an update today.

DONT EVER LOOK THO MY PHONE WITH OUT MY PERMISTION EVER AGAIN DO SO AND I WILL CHARGE U WITH INVATION OF PRIVERSY!!!!!! its not urs got it

Woah. That is a LOT of aggression. Oh and spelling errors. Not the intentional ones that shorten words, but the unintentional ones which smudge someones credibility. In one case, she has lengthened a word! I don’t think this girl has any privacy issues, anybody who picks up her phone will have to spend a good 2 hours deciphering her year 9 dropout dialect.

“sitting at home alone drinking wine, waiting for some lemonaide to get cold so i can start on the vodka….whoooo how exciting!”

This poor person. Not only is she drinking in isolation, which itself is an act of ones sheer repulsion of oneself, she has the patience to sit at home waiting out a thermal process so that she might speed up her intoxication. To me, this is sickening. I relish in spending time with myself, it is the only time where my thoughts are so crisp and solid that a stimulating conversation with myself is viable. In fact, I talk to myself quite frequently, and I realise I have never met anyone as engaging as myself. Ok, that sounds a bit weird. Talking to yourself is supposed to be a warning sign. So am I crazy? Far from it, I am just what you might call different. Anyways, moving along to one of the even more pathetic ones, a malady on society itself:

So excited for new moon tonight!

New Moon… People you can not be fooled by this right? Apparently you can. This movie is shit. You might say that’s my opinion. I’d say it’s a piece of my integrity. Anyways, I’m surely kidding, whatever makes you excited is fine.

This next one is the second most pathetic and would be nicely annotated with a conventional “wtf?”. The girl behind this status update is talking about here twin sister in this. I am deadly serious. I just copied this and pasted it. There are two here, in chronological order with a time difference of about 1 hour.

“Hasn’t cheated on her bf. Infact Zoe is the one who has with Lukey v and rob! Fucking whore”

“twin sister is a fucking cunt! I hope u die!”

Hm… is this a conventional sibling relationship? I know there is usually a bit of tension between twins over who gets what but this is slightly overboard. A fun game to play is to imagine the going-ons in their house during the hour-long interval between these two posts. Anyways, don’t blame yourselves parents. Oh – unless you’re useless at procreation.

So… here we finally arrive at the most pathetic of posts. There were so many possible contestants along the way and although there can only be one winner, I want all you people to know that you too made me grimace in sheer disgust. Better luck next time you get on Facebook. Anyways, my search for this took a little under an hour. Yes, it is pretty pathetic of me to spend my time searching through blogs of the people I speculate to be the most morally unripe. But it was worth it. Oh it was so worth it. Anyways, here you go:

“fuck you mum fucken slut cheated on dad with her own shit brother”

There you have it. Is this pathetically sad? NOBODY commented on this post. NOBODY. They were obviously stuck between “hahahaha gross incest” and “oh you poor thing”. I am truly sorry if such a thing actually did occur but please, why in the name of Newton would you publicly broadcast it over the internet???

Anyways, I’m over it. Thank you all lovely wonderful Facebook posters for making me realise that a life filled with thought and morality is better than one topped with alcohol and idiocy.

Until next time.