After coming back to this page after months away, I realise that perhaps we have gotten off on the wrong foot. My first couple of blogs seem to be written when I was in emo-mode, which is a state of mind I get in when I feel that I’m not very important. This feeling is usually brought on by seeing somebody do something a lot better than me. This is not an uncommon thing. Anyways, I shall start fresh! Let me introduce myself and what I do, and perhaps my perspective will coincide somewhat with yours and we will develop some sort of weird internet connection. Or perhaps you will laugh at me. I suppose I am about to write a biography of some sort. Rather I am just going to write a lot of facts that probably don’t flow too well. Feel free to click the cross at the top right-hand of the screen.

I was born in Port Hedland, Western Australia, on the 28th of September 1989. My birth certificate claims that my parents are Angela Lloyd (Financial Analyst) and Janusz Dudek (Senior Research Engineer). My mum is now remarried as Angela McGuinness and I do not see my Dad anymore. I am the 4th oldest out of 9 siblings, which probably sounds like a lot. It is.

My family moved to Perth when I was very young, where we lived in the northern suburb of Sorrento. I attended Our Lady of Grace Primary School, a private catholic school. I was forced to attend church on a weekly basis and believe the bible. My parents were divorced and we struggled financially, and I found it difficult to be the poor kid at the rich private school. Later in primary school I made the change to public schools and absolutely loved it. I made friends easily and the classes were much more relaxed, educationally and socially. I found that I had natural ability when it came to mathematics and music. I played the baritone for a couple of years until I realised I didn’t like it.

I finished off primary school and started at Warwick Senior High School. This was a school with an overall poor academic performance, and a reputation for breeding troublemakers. My mum originally gave me the choice, and it was  either Sacred Heart College or Warwick Senior High School. I stand by my decision.

Early in year 8, I took on the vacant position as the class clown and made friends with people who acted as silly as I did. We got lots of attention, most of it negative, but we could conjur up a good laugh now and then. The teachers pulled me aside frequently and tried to convince me to focus on my schoolwork, as I was the only one in the group who still got good test results. In fact I dominated the whole year group. But I was having so much fun!

When I was around 14 years old I started going out at night and starting trouble. My group would just roam the streets drinking and mucking around. This sounds really juvenile when I read this, and well, it is. I mean we just did some stupid things. I basically carried on like an idiot from years 8-10, but my life changed amazingly in year 11.

My parents had put me into TEE maths, physics and chemistry, the subjects they felt I would do well in. At the beginning of the year I met a girl with whom I developed a friendship with. I wasn’t interested in her at first but she seemed nice and after a couple of weeks we were, to put it into year 11 terms, “going out”. Anyway, I won’t go into detail here (though EVERYBODY asks me to tell them the story) but she turned out to be crazy, my life fell into pieces, and I ended up running away from home. The running away from home thing only lasted a week (a valiant effort and improvement on the half an hour when I was 5) but it was perhaps the most messed up and emotional week of my life. But anyways something good actually came from it.

When me and her parted, I returned home and I just remember sitting there in my room just thinking “ok, what now?”. I had just wasted months of my life. Me and my friends had fallen out during this time. I was failing my year 11 TEE subjects. However, I felt so calm, like nothing could possibly go wrong now. So I started studying. My marks began to soar. I mean, seriously, every test I did from then on was above 95%. The teachers were astonished, and I couldn’t really believe it either. They didn’t know where it had come from. Neither did I really. I actually developed a great appreciation for all things maths and science. I made new friends, with similiar interests. Life really started to pick up and I really started to love it. I enjoyed studying maths and physics as much as I enjoyed getting top marks. I suppose I hadn’t felt personal achievement in a long time but it was an amazing feeling.

I carried on through year 12 and got an outstanding TER with subject awards in Calculus, Applicable Maths and Physics. I also started to write and record music as an outlet, recording an album worth of material by the end of year 12. Many of the songs can be found on the internet.

 I enrolled to study mathematics at UWA, which I am still extremely passionate about. I finished off my undergraduate degree last year and I am currently in my honours year, and to this day I am still really into maths. I suppose I had just never seen it properly before, then when I was alone and reading. I also started playing soccer in my university years and I am currently captain of the Youth Development squad for a local team.

Considering all the stupid things I did when I was young I feel that I am pretty lucky to be doing this. I look at all my friends in year 8 and all of them except one have completely messed up their lives. I sort of look back and think “phew, close call”.

Anyways, this is a pretty mediocre summary of my life, and I think the main point was to emphasise what got me into mathematics and study. Now that you know where I’m coming from, and I’ve got all of that into the open, I might be able to start writing blogs more regularly. That’s the plan.

Adrian.

At the End of the Day

http://www.mediafire.com/?tz1njzqwjdm

Black Heart Syndrome

http://www.mediafire.com/?kxzwnwzynmb

Don’t Mess with the Mathematician (not going on the album, this song was merely to mark the end of my undergraduate degree)

http://www.mediafire.com/?b9y42yyydn0

You and Me

http://www.mediafire.com/?g2tkjhmgjoy

The Rapture

http://www.mediafire.com/?m0mn5zljzzn

Anyways… The above songs were written, composed, recorded and mastered by me.

Until Next Time.

I am a frequent Facebook user (in fact, it’s the first thing I navigate to) as I feel it is a window to the social world which I so often neglect here in my mental world. I actually find it rather reassuring to peer through such tainted glass at a microcosm of dialogue of modern society. People talk such shit. Here are some real Facebook posts that represent the future stock of earth so clearly. I have arranged all the posts in order from least pathetic to most pathetic, if such a thing can be measured, and commented directly on why such things disgust me. I just sincerely hope that people aren’t taking the “what’s on your mind” text field seriously. Anyways, to start us off, a common one for a weekday:

“Is it the weekend yet?”

Posts regarding the temporal distance of the weekend are demeaning as a whole to the integrity of the human species. I won’t infringe on your right to relax, to “unwind”, but I sure as hell think it’s sad. If you don’t like what you do during the week then the solution is as simple as do something different! Perhaps you should have paid more attention in career education. Or perhaps it isn’t the repulsion of the weekdays that drives you, it’s the sheer flames of the weekend! Let me guess…. Drinking? I still haven’t ever got the correct answer from people on why they drink… I ask it ALL the time as well. I came across this nugget of an update today.

DONT EVER LOOK THO MY PHONE WITH OUT MY PERMISTION EVER AGAIN DO SO AND I WILL CHARGE U WITH INVATION OF PRIVERSY!!!!!! its not urs got it

Woah. That is a LOT of aggression. Oh and spelling errors. Not the intentional ones that shorten words, but the unintentional ones which smudge someones credibility. In one case, she has lengthened a word! I don’t think this girl has any privacy issues, anybody who picks up her phone will have to spend a good 2 hours deciphering her year 9 dropout dialect.

“sitting at home alone drinking wine, waiting for some lemonaide to get cold so i can start on the vodka….whoooo how exciting!”

This poor person. Not only is she drinking in isolation, which itself is an act of ones sheer repulsion of oneself, she has the patience to sit at home waiting out a thermal process so that she might speed up her intoxication. To me, this is sickening. I relish in spending time with myself, it is the only time where my thoughts are so crisp and solid that a stimulating conversation with myself is viable. In fact, I talk to myself quite frequently, and I realise I have never met anyone as engaging as myself. Ok, that sounds a bit weird. Talking to yourself is supposed to be a warning sign. So am I crazy? Far from it, I am just what you might call different. Anyways, moving along to one of the even more pathetic ones, a malady on society itself:

So excited for new moon tonight!

New Moon… People you can not be fooled by this right? Apparently you can. This movie is shit. You might say that’s my opinion. I’d say it’s a piece of my integrity. Anyways, I’m surely kidding, whatever makes you excited is fine.

This next one is the second most pathetic and would be nicely annotated with a conventional “wtf?”. The girl behind this status update is talking about here twin sister in this. I am deadly serious. I just copied this and pasted it. There are two here, in chronological order with a time difference of about 1 hour.

“Hasn’t cheated on her bf. Infact Zoe is the one who has with Lukey v and rob! Fucking whore”

“twin sister is a fucking cunt! I hope u die!”

Hm… is this a conventional sibling relationship? I know there is usually a bit of tension between twins over who gets what but this is slightly overboard. A fun game to play is to imagine the going-ons in their house during the hour-long interval between these two posts. Anyways, don’t blame yourselves parents. Oh – unless you’re useless at procreation.

So… here we finally arrive at the most pathetic of posts. There were so many possible contestants along the way and although there can only be one winner, I want all you people to know that you too made me grimace in sheer disgust. Better luck next time you get on Facebook. Anyways, my search for this took a little under an hour. Yes, it is pretty pathetic of me to spend my time searching through blogs of the people I speculate to be the most morally unripe. But it was worth it. Oh it was so worth it. Anyways, here you go:

“fuck you mum fucken slut cheated on dad with her own shit brother”

There you have it. Is this pathetically sad? NOBODY commented on this post. NOBODY. They were obviously stuck between “hahahaha gross incest” and “oh you poor thing”. I am truly sorry if such a thing actually did occur but please, why in the name of Newton would you publicly broadcast it over the internet???

Anyways, I’m over it. Thank you all lovely wonderful Facebook posters for making me realise that a life filled with thought and morality is better than one topped with alcohol and idiocy.

Until next time.

It is still uncertain whether or not I will use this blog continuously to spill my thoughts, however it has become apparent to me recently that I do have many thoughts to spill. I find myself sitting in my backyard for hours on end just staring and thinking. The topics are endless. Anyways, let me explain myself.

I am 20 years old and I have just finished a Bachelor of Science with a double major in Pure Mathematics and Applied Mathematics at the University of Western Australia. I am doing Honours in Pure Maths next year (2010). It is a very lovely university and is said to teach the “most intelligent of students in Western Australia”. Well, if intelligence can be suitably quantified by a TER then perhaps, but otherwise I have been bitterly disappointed.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not having a go at the students of UWA, I am rather ripping into my own expectations. For you see, when I was young I was always rather gifted intellectually yet I still had an amazing capacity for social interaction. In high school, I fell in with the wrong group (in the eyes of the education system) and made many mistakes. I found myself drinking alcohol at the young age of 14 years old and walking the streets at night in groups. I fell in love with almost every girl I ever befriended, which was always a problem for me. I did a lot of things back then that most people find themselves doing at the age of 19.

The people who were close to me at the time started to do new things, forbidden things. Their lives began to fall apart completely, and I would watch in sorrow as they traded the remains of their dignity for portions of pleasure. It was frustrating because I felt like I was the only one who could see it. So at the age of 15 years old, I started to refuse drinks. I ceased going out with my friends, and turned my attention to my studies.

I became interested in mathematics and physics.  I devoted a lot of my time to my study and ended up doing exceptionally in my TER. The most important thing that I developed during my later high school years was a clear sense of choice and individualism, the most important thing to me in the world. The ability to say no, where most would say yes. I cherished this gift. I felt that if, as a teenager, I could say no to alcohol that which epitomised teenage society, I could make my own choices in any situation. As a result, I started to question peoples actions directly to their face. I would start to pick up patterns in people’s behaviour that they wouldn’t be able to see at all.

I found my fellow teenagers to be very much like computers – they could only do what they had been programmed to do. Humans are generally more capable than computers, as we have a concept of self, the ability to step out of the system we are in and examine it from the outside. A computer can not do this. I lost many friends as a result of heated arguments regarding morality. I had a sense of righteousness which I needed to express, but nobody would have any of it. I do not blame them, the same way I do not blame computers for not being able to construct proofs to unsolved mathematical problems.

I was, at the young age of 18, an extremely lonely teenager. Although I had (and still do) a very beautiful and wonderful girlfriend, I would find myself disconnected from my fellow university students. They had been stuck at study desks for the past few years and had clearly developed an idea of what they called “expression and freedom”, or even sometimes “liberation”. But these were ideas which I had got out of my system years ago.

This is the reason I was so disappointed when I first arrived at university, I suppose I had expected a Utopian society of intellectuals. I just wanted people to talk to. I had instead found people who had dived head first into Hedonism upon first opportunity. It still makes me sad, the dance of the wild boys and broken girls continues forever. I used to try to talk to people about it, but they would not listen. Why should they? I never did when I was 14, I was scared out of the system by seeing the damage it did to my friends. And now that I am seeing alcohol and drugs wage war on an entire student body of a university I am more scared than ever.

The hardest thing is that I have no argument. I literally do not. I would ask “So why do you have to get drunk every week?” and I would also get the same answers: “To relax”, “To have fun”, “To be more confident” etc. Well, how can I argue with that? It’s a personal choice, and as long as it doesn’t infringe upon the freedoms of individuals there is nothing that can be said about it. I have simply taken the lonely road on this one.

Anyways, I actually have met some really nice people at university. I was just a bit shocked about the whole thing when I first got here 3 years ago. I don’t even bring the issue up anymore. Seriously. It’s other people who bring the issue up. People are still surprised when I say I don’t drink, and haven’t since 2004. Men actually laugh at me sometimes, and make disparaging remarks about my choices. I laugh with them. Sorrowful sympathetic laughs.

Anyways, that is enough for today. It’s just an issue that’s close to me, and I thought I would share it. It is not a common belief, and it scares people. It scares me even more.

Adrian.